Talk to Me Nice……But Me Too!

By Shaq Roberts, LCSW

Let’s be real for a second. Some of the most damaging things we hear on a daily basis don’t come from strangers, trolls online, or even family. They come from us. From the voice in our heads whispering (or shouting), “You’re not enough,” “You always mess up,” “You’ll never get it right.”

We check our friends for speaking badly about themselves. We uplift our partners when they doubt their worth. We gas up strangers in the comments. But when it comes to ourselves? That same grace, that same gentleness, that same love… goes silent.

Talk to me nice… but me too.

This isn’t just a catchy phrase. It’s a plea for internal revolution. For many in the LGBTQ+ and Black and Brown communities, harsh self-talk can become second nature. When the world already tells you you’re too much, not enough, or doesn’t see you at all, sometimes you internalize that noise. And without realizing it, you start repeating it to yourself—daily, relentlessly, and often without challenge.

Let’s pause and ask: Would you talk to your younger self the way you talk to yourself today? Would you tell your best friend they’re stupid, lazy, ugly, broken? No? Then why is it okay to speak that way to yourself?

The truth is, it’s not.

These negative thoughts aren’t just “bad moods” or “being hard on yourself.” Many times, they’re patterns your brain has gotten used to—ways of thinking that feel true even when they’re not. These are called cognitive distortions. Simply put, they’re mental habits that twist the truth and make everything seem worse than it is. Things like:

● All-or-nothing thinking: “If I’m not perfect, I’m a failure.”

● Mind reading: “They didn’t text back—they must be mad at me.”

● Overgeneralizing: “I always mess things up. I never get it right.”

These patterns don’t just impact your confidence. They can feed anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and burnout. And the more we repeat them to ourselves, the deeper they take root.

Positive self-talk isn’t about pretending everything is perfect. It’s about balancing the scales. Being fair to yourself. Speaking life into yourself when the world expects your silence? That’s revolutionary. Choosing to believe in your worth even when your mental health says otherwise? That’s powerful.

Try saying:

● “I made a mistake, but that doesn’t make me a failure.”

● “I’m overwhelmed right now, but I’ve gotten through worse.”

● “I’m still learning. That’s allowed.”

Because you deserve kindness from you, too.

So let this be your reminder, your permission, your push: Talk to yourself like someone you love. Someone worth protecting. Someone deserving of grace.

Talk to me nice… but me too.

You’ve survived too much to keep treating yourself like the enemy. If your voice still shakes when you say kind things to yourself, that’s okay—say them anyway. That’s how healing begins.

And if you need extra support along the way, reach out to us at Charlotte Black Therapy. You don’t have to do the hard work alone.